Shorties

Me: How are you doing today?
Customer: (silence)
...I can feel his eyes burning holes in my body.
Transaction is complete (1 case of natty light)
Me: Thanks have a good day.
Customer (in a deep raspy voice): You sure are purty.
Me: I look up at him, all 400 lbs of him, with my bangs all in my face,
sweaty and exhausted... and force "Thanks" out of my mouth.

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Me: Do you have your store card or phone number?
Customer: I don't have either... could I have your phone number?

Me: Um not today, but I have a card I can use, don't worry! ;)

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Customer: If you're happy and you know it your name is Ashley...
Me: My name is not Ashley.

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There's this crazy yankee lady who likes her groceries bagged in PAPER and THEN plastic, yes... paper, then plastic over the paper. Which is very difficult I might add! She screams at her children the whole shopping trip and is a cashier's worst nightmare!

Crazy yankee lady: Now I know you're new here, so I'm not that mad at you today... but I was sure you knew that I liked paper then plastic!! As she re-bags her order, throwing things around in rage.
Me: I glance down at my name tag, then glance back up at her, inferring I'm not just a cashier... Actually, I've been here forever but I'll make a mental note of it.

(And for the record... I didn't bag her groceries paper then plastic because I hadn't seen her in awhile and I was hoping she had changed her crazy mind! )

Another crazy yankee lady story-

She had just gotten done shopping (different trip than the one listed above), all relieved that we were rid of her for the week, then she comes back inside sobbing hysterically.
Crazy yankee lady: I NEED TO CALL THE POLICE! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME?
Me: Casually... Yes what's the matter?
Crazy yankee lady: Clutching her 9-11 yr old daughter close to her... MY DAUGHTER ALMOST GOT RAN OVER BY A PSYCHOPATH IN YOUR PARKING LOT!
Me: Oh okay, the phone's right here, just press line 1 or 2 and dial 911.
... and I continue on with my life.

I'm sorry- as a parent, in a public parking lot, YOU are responsible for your child's safety. What am I supposed to do? Escort her out to her car to make sure her and her child don't get hit by a car? Last time I checked, I was a little grocery girl... not a cop! She's crazy and needs a thorazine drip! I look for her picture on the cover of "SLAMMER" from time to time...  (if you didn't know, SLAMMER is a little newspaper sold at gas stations with pictures and hilarious descriptions of recent, local, criminals!)

Crazy yankee lady might need her own post one day, that one wasn't such a shorty!
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Grand theft Bud Light-  I'm walking around, bagging, and watching the front end one weekday last summer. Out of the corner of my eye I see an elderly lady in sunglasses, holding on with the jaws of life to a case of bud light, walking toward the buggies/front door. I'm thinking "hmm maybe she's just getting a buggy to do more shopping..." because people do that! Nope, she walks right out the front door and I run after her. I get outside the door and in the fire lane I see an old beater car, a big black dog, her, and the bud light in her backseat. I give her a "what the hell do you think you're doing?" kind of look and hold up my arms in question?! 

She says: Oh, sorry! I just parked in the fire lane cause ma' dogs in the back! Points with her thumb to the dog. You have a nice day!
Speeds off...  I had never seen her before, and have not seen her since. She must be a gypsy.




Still standing,
MB