Barrel of Monkeys

Bagging groceries is a completely opinionated art. There is no right or wrong... but there is crazy!
I've learned, when bagging groceries, you must treat every one's groceries the way you would treat your own. Now that is the safest approach, but see, that doesn't always apply. Personally, I don't mind if bananas and grapes are bagged together. What's the harm? But I do NOT want my fresh market (meat) items with other perishables (dairy/bread).


Society is one huge barrel of monkeys... you reach into that big barrel and you really don't know what kind of monkey will come out! In other words- people's crazy. Some people want red meat in one bag, chicken in another bag, pork in another bag, bananas by themselves, grapes by themselves, chips by themselves, bread by themselves... come on people. Really?! Then when you think someone is going to FLIP out because you put a canned item with produce (because they have a small order and you had to choose whether to put that 1 can with produce or with fresh meat) they tell you to bag it all together. Alltogethersaywhat? You want your RAW chicken with your green onion, cabbage, squash AND can of green beans? Fine by me, but odd.


Then the next person you get in line is completely different. A monkey of a different color. Awhile back I had a customer who brought me to tears just because I bagged her bread on top of her bananas. I repeat, bread was on TOP. Worried about the bread, you ask? NO! Worried about the bananas! I wasn't aware that BREAD squished bananas? "You are doing this all wrong, bananas go COMPLETELY by themselves, they may get bruised otherwise!!!!" she screamed. Right before she freaked out on me I was saying goodbye to another customer, a regular I see daily, and she said "if you weren't too busy talking to your little FRIEND you would be doing this the right way!" Little friend? He's 60 years old! Not to mention she wanted paper bags, why the heck would I bag bananas by themselves in a huge paper bag? Actually, I take it back. To her, I'm sure there are countless reasons why it is logical to bag bananas in a huge paper bag by themselves. Silly me! Bottom line- we were busy as hell and she embarrassed me in front of the whole store! RUDE!

Oh and I just love people who think they can cram 10+ boxes along with glass items into one plastic bag. They don't want me to use all of 3 bags for their order so they do it their way. I make bets with myself on how long that bag will make it before it gives. Had you listened to your little grocery girl you wouldn't have busted spaghetti sauce on your new shoes, now would you? Then again, you're the brains here, not me...


There are a few one-liners that go along with bagging:
Me- would you like me to bag your drinks? (referring to 6pk cocacola bottles)
Customer- yes, it makes them easier to carry!
...Well of course it makes them easier to carry, silly! That's why THE BAG was thought of, created, and used daily! It's a yes or no answer!

Me- would you like this double bagged?
Customer- yes, so it won't bust through the bottom!
... Thank you captain obvious! Yes or no, that's it!


Another pet peeve (imagine that) would be those bagging-shadowers! People who hover over your every move to make sure you're "doing it right". I am glad to let people bag their own groceries if they prefer, but these kind of people never seem to want to. They just want to stand back and regulate. Like I'm supposed to have a clue what "right" is to them anyway?! If I was a mind reader I wouldn't be your little grocery girl... I'd be your rich psychic! Now skidaddle!